I saw this picture online the other day and it resonated.

I have nostalgia all the time for Florence and traveling, for city life and constant wandering. But I never would have been able to go, nor would I have the confidence I do in that exploring if it were not for home.

We are reading The Perks of Being a Wallflower in class. 

Which everyone should read. 

Which I will have a hipster moment and say,

 I read this book a million times before it was going to be a movie.

Anyway not the point. 

The point is that there is a quote
  "We accept the love we think we deserve."

 I think Eleanor Roosevelt said that. 

And a girl in class raised her hand and said that she thinks the quote speaks volumes about the person accepting love.

 I mean I get it that thats the whole point of the quote but it really got me thinking.

The love I allow to happen to me is the love I think I deserve. 

I can be sad that people are shitty, 

or I can take a step back and realize that to some extent I'm letting them be.

Yes some people just SUCK, but why do you not avoid them?

Why do you let the boy that cheats on you get another chance? 

Or the boy that doesn't call but makes excuses

 (he had a lot of work....every night... of every day...of every week)

I am all about forgiveness. But there is a fine line between forgiving someone for something and enabling someone to treat you poorly.

I know that this is common knowledge for most people, but this rocked my world. I think it's because I know it but haven't ever been able to follow through. I will give chance after chance after chance because things can be fixed. But lately I can see a difference. And this is something to be happy about.

Don't Call It Procrastinating

Midterms are upon us. Put the dancing heels away and get out your study glasses folks!

Studybugs in the library with me tonight

Currently have a coffee buzz going on that should be forcing me to study bio flashcards, instead I find myself here. I'm okay with it though, I've been in the library every day this week and my brain needs a little break.

Things have been going really well lately. (knock on wood) 

This week was kind of an eye-opener on how much work I have coming up, 

but it's also reassuring to me that it can be done.

Well attempted, I'm not sure it can be done until I get the grades back

Confidence is key.

 We were having a talk about introverts vs. extroverts the other day,

because in 109 we have discovered that I am very much the extrovert living with 3 introverts.

 But it's not like one is bad and the other is better. It's about what energizes you. 

Lately I am energized by the fall colors everywhere. The smell of the breeze that is saying goodbye to summer and a big hello to autumn. I'm energized by my sketchbook, my sneakers and ipod on a long run, the laughter of my roommates. I am energized by talking to kids about going abroad to Florence. I am energized by poems in my Creative Writing class. I am energized by trips to the packy with Jess and playing dress up and makeup before the bar with Sar. (At this point I am equally energized and exhausted by the bar.) One of my favorite things though is waking up the next morning, and Sar climbing down the bunk onto my bed and recapping the night. The parts we both remember best, or things that happened separately that we need to share. We've also taken to writing down the funnier things that have happened this semester in a little red book. I would say this has been my best semester here at this fine university. There's been a lot of laughing. 

It's weird that if you think about it, these will all be memories. Sometimes that freaks me out. Like as something great is happening, I'm aware that in a couple weeks it'll be a good memory. And it's already October. When did that happen? Didn't classes just start? Oh no, we're at midterms. THE MIDDLE OF THE TERM. Which means its towards the end, which means spring semester which means graduating.

HOLD THOSE HORSES. Late night talks as of late have been future focused: who will you know, where will you be, what will you be doing. All I know right now is that I don't know. I have hopes and ideas, but if there is one thing this almost-22 years of life has taught me.... NOTHING is certain. You can be living your life happy as can be and then its rearranged infront of your face. And then it happens again. The things I do know for certain is that I am a smart capable human girl, I have a loving famjams and some pretty kick ass friends. I guess the rest will just have to fall into place.

How did I even get to talking about all this? OH RIGHT THE FOUR CUPS OF COFFEE.

Okay so pictures of lately......

This right here is why I love fall. Not only is October the very best month of the whole year, BUT CAN YOU LOOK AT THAT TREE. I learned in bio why it is those leaves do that, but since that was LAST exam we're just gonna focus on other things...

Some sketching. I know I know the head is not exactly at the right angle. But hey, it's my angst to judge so just appreciate!

My beautiful roommate Sara. This picture is so much of why I love this girl. 

This is pre-bar attire. We love dress up and being rulweird. 

I GOT MY EAR PIERCED. 

Again.

It didn't hurt like I thought it would AT ALL. 

The only person that noticed it naturally was Dad. Casually sitting at the dinner table and he's like "Excuse me what is that?" 

Now I'm just happy that someone noticed without me having to be like HEY HEY LOOK. Kev on the other hand.... not too happy.

At least its not a tattoo..it can come out!

Autumn is pretty.

Home is wherever I'm with them

This weekend was a very much-needed weekend at home. I love school and my friends, I love going out and dressing up, etc. etc. etc. But sometimes you just need a little check in. A simple “hi, these are the people that love you and make you who you are.” It was pretty nice. It felt like a million years since I had seen everyone (even though I had just seen Mom and Dad and Kiks for the Meyer’s party on Tuesday) I just love messing around and the constant laughter that is all of us together. 

I didn't realize how much I was craving a home cooked meal, a hug from my mom, joking around with my dad, snuggles with Ruebs, the easy back and forth between me, Liz and Kiks. Something as simple as waking up and crawling into Mom's and Dad's bed, talking with her, Liz and Kiks about anything and everything. It makes me the happiest.

Turn yo frown upside down

naps

good sleep

coffee- iced, hot, in a mug, with a straw...(stopping before this turns into Green Eggs and Ham)

Rueben

best friends

famjams

Florence. Dublin. Paris. Boston.

All cities to still be explored

grilled cheese with tomato and avocado

The O.C.

beachin

burritos 

going to the movies

movie previews

getting pierced 

Third Eye Blind. Brand New.Bon Iver. TBS

live music (acappella included)

catgroup

traveling

cracking up 

inside jokes

pretty eyes, green, blue...brown ;)

kissing

being missed

having things to look forward to

merrrrh

Right now is the first time since moving in that I have been alone in my apartment. Between roommates and people visiting, there has not been any dull moments, or quiet for that matter. It’s a constant flow of human interaction and lots of laughter. 

Being at school this always happens, you live with people, around people, and in classes with people. Sometimes I forget how nice it is just to be able to sit and just be, I forget to pay attention to things for myself because I am constantly in “go” mode. That’s not to say I haven’t been alone, at work there are times where it is just me, or when I nap. But this is rare so I am taking the moment to stop and appreciate it.

So far so good on the school front. I like all my classes, and just now switched into a new one that I'm hoping is a better fit. Need to get a couple more books and then I am good to go. 

Things I need to remind myself-

1. you do not have to be everywhere, this is in fact impossible so stop trying.

2. drink water

3. actions speak louder than words

back2skewl

Here it is, senior year of college. Wait....WHAT. 

So far so good on my goal of going to every class. Granted yesterday was the first day. I like being back here on campus, and taking notes and going to class and going to work. For now at least while it's still fun and new. I do NOT like the uphill trek back to Charter Oak, but I absolutely refuse to take the bus until it's cold or rainy or miserable or dark. I will enjoy this sunshine and warmth while I have it!

Goals= good grades, run, go to all classes. Just your standard back to school stuff. 

Call It What You Will..Musing, Rambling, My Future

Senior year of college is right around the corner. Which means it's high time I make a bunch of goals for myself, ones that I should not slack off on or blatantly ignore.

Thing is though, living with and having mostly senior friends last year, I got to do like a trial run. And one thing I realized, was that nobody realized it was ending. Which is both good and bad. If you don't think about it being over, the inevitable end is not looming in the back of your mind. However, if you think you have all this time, you're sorely mistaken.

I don't want it to be the last month of the semester when I start doing all bucket list items. I want to soak up each college-y moment, every football game, bar night, pregame that turns into the game, every hangover and hilarious recapping of our antics (and heavily relying on my camera). Taking notes with new pens on new paper, reading books I wouldn't pick out otherwise, the color of the leaves by Mirror Lake, the swings. Roommates and best friends feet from each other, coffee breaks from work a the Benton, the likelihood of all nighters at Homer.

All of this is so fleeting which heightens its importance. I'll be the first to admit UConn was not my favorite place in the world freshman year. I didn't like my living situation, I didn't branch out the way everyone (including myself) assumed that I would. Sophomore year, with the help of Sara and Liz and Marisa and the rest of New London things changed. I stayed more weekends, went to events and such... and GASP started to be myself at UConn. I firmly believe college is not "the best four years of your life," the thought of that is just too sad. But I do know it's four of the most formative and most important years of my life. I know I'll never forget it.

I didn't love love love it so much that I couldn't bear to leave it, hence studying abroad and this blog in the first place. But here I am, with one year left and I am so nervous and anxious and excited. I love UConn, I love the U and the library, the "classroom building", the walk from Charter Oak to McMahon, or from Hilltop to Thirsties. I love waiting for Sgt. Pepps to be open to eat pizza for breakfast. I love how much I hate the rain there, and the snow. I love that when I think about snow and UConn I picture CLAS and Wilbur Cross. I love the buildings and my desk at study abroad.

So I guess my main goal, the one I know I'll keep...  Take NOTHING for granted. This is not permanent.

And so it goes, summer went too fast and too slow. 

It was stretching out for days on end, and now it's about time to pack up clothes for school. 

I took all my clothes from the girls apartment in Boston, does that mean it's not my apartment anymore? I still have a key, it still feels like a place to call home. Yesterday I went up for the night, I like when a place becomes familiar. I like knowing where I am, and what's around, and how I would get from one place to another. I definitely don't think Boston's been conquered yet, but I am far better at it then I was when I first shipped on up at the beginning of summer.  I know there is still more time, and I'm not about wishing any time away. Be where you are and all that, living in the exact moment. But musing on this summer, as far as summers go, this was a good one. Weird, but good.

 It was the first non-Southbury summer, which is a big step to being a big girl. Luckily I'm going right back to school so all that so called maturity can unravel real fast.  Last summer when there was a smaller group of people home I could tell  it was about time. Time for all of us to get away. I like it though because with everyone off in the world you end up seeing who it is you're going to keep. People you make effort with and people that make effort with you, reassuring me that it was not the fact that we are in the same place that keeps us friends.

And now it's just about time for senior year, which equal parts excites and terrifies me. It's been talked up quite a bit, I'm hoping that it lives up to the hype. Knowing us it will, it'll probably end up being more than we can all handle. Eventually I should make some goals, like go to every class never skip unless deathly ill, things like that. 

Still got some time to enjoy sunshine and summer things, thank goodness.

Is this thing on?

I have disappeared into family beach vacation and am having a hard time getting out of the vacation part. Actually my absence from posting started before that.

Never fear, there is a beaching/end of summer/start of school. Lots of pictures and lists and musings coming very soon.

For now, Julie's on her way and we're going to get a drink.

xx

Spent the past week at home and now back in Beantown.

 Home was just what I wanted to shake me from my blues. Maybe it was too much time spent alone roaming the city but I was in some desperate need of the people that know me best. This includes the four children I babysit, who I dedicated the majority of my week to.

Now it's back in Boston. Summer class started today, so far so good but I give it three days before I'm completely overwhelmed with the amount of reading I have to do...

The little thumbs down in the corner is from me. Sean is holding the itouch so that we can see how large these books really are. And that's just a quarter of the reading. 

I know it'll really be fine. It's one class compared to the five I'm usually enrolled in all at once.

This week I'm doing lots of write ups for mysecretboston and even a lunch with a PR person at Joe's American Bar and Grill. Excitement.

Sara returns home from Spain/Italy on Friday. Don't care if that one is tired Liz and I have missed her and it's out into the wild!

"Then it's time to go and you find your destination

 with so many different places to call home"

- Death Cab For Cutie, You Are A Tourist

Join something, get a job or go out and meet people. and not OUT like to the bar- drunk goggles are real. Run every day (or the days it's not raining). Draw everything. Write it all down, they all might be at work or in school but things are still happening so if you are bursting to tell someone, tell yourself. Listen to good music, live music, any music. Smile, at the little girl with the wand and the burger king crown, at the Dads playing with their baby, at the couple being cute on their run. No wait, vomit at that couple...no don't. No jealousy. Take risks and don't let stupid little things get you down. When it comes down to it you just have to do your own thing and have fun, others will join in if they want to. But if not, c'est la vie!

Wherever you go, you take yourself with you. So be where you are and make that person a good one. 

My first write up for my internship is on the website!

A Dog's Life - Where to get your pet supplies without leaving town | My Secret Boston

What's a Mint Julep?

I'm currently nursing a very big cup of coffee along side a big cup of water. 

Coffee to keep me up, last night was the Derby party for Sara's work. So much fun. 

Water to prepare me for Hip Hop Yoga tonight with Liz.

Yes you read that right, Hip Hop Yoga. We will be "ommming" to the musical stylings of Fergie and the Black Eyed Peas.  Equal parts excited and terrified.  I've gone to yoga classes and tivoed enough INHALE to be decently confident in my ability to downward/upward dog with the rest of them. However I've also gotten stuck in a yoga position and had to have Mom help me out.

This will be interesting for damn sure.

My standard form of exercise is running along the Charles. The beautiful, wonderful Charles. . . 

Yesterday I found myself in the Financial District looking for a place I was writing about for my internship.
(Related: Got feedback on my first piece, it was well received and will be on the website soon!)
((Also related: Next week I get to go to a restaurant and try some of their signature meals!))


Cannot be so close to the Wharf on a sunny day and not wander around.

On the T ride home there was what felt like hundreds of 8th graders. I was silently praying they would not be taking the same T as me, but alas no such luck.

 Too funny and awkward watching them for 6 stops. Painfully awkward actually, I had that secondhand embarrassment where you know you've been in that exact same position and you want it to stop so bad.

 (Looking at you girl who changed seats to sit next to the boy with the purple sunglasses).

Off to the races!

Liz and I met Sara in the North End for some pre-Kentucky-Derby-Work-Party beers. 

That T ride wasn't awkward at all (dripping in sarcasm). Everyone is in their casual clothes or some kind of Celtics gear and there's Liz and Brig, dressed for a party. Thankfully the hats were in a bag, because mine was definitely big enough to knock a couple people out.

The party was at the Seaport World Trade Center.  The place itself was gorgeous and the views of Boston were unreal.  It was fun putting faces to the names we hear in Sara's stories. 

Pictures that will give some hint as to the atmosphere we were in last evening...

Lists

This picture has nothing to do with anything. I just like it.

Cosmo interviewed Max Greenfield, who plays Schmidt on New Girl. Casually looking through the interview and I see this...


Q: Jess, Schmidt's roommate, is super quirky and girlie. What is some stuff women do that guys don't get?


A: I'll tell you right now what it is. Lists. All you guys want to do is make lists of things to do.


Now personally I think he should have just been honest and said guys don't get anything girls do. That said, the lists things is SPOT ON. At least for me. Lists that usually start with "#1. wake up", which I have been mocked for. I can't help it though, I like the outline.

.....

To Do, Today June 6th
1. Clean up around the apartment
2. Pilates or go for a run
3. Shower
4. Look over application and turn it in
5. Go to the places you need to write about for MSB


...See I am aware that all of that is stuff I was definitely going to do today anyways.
In fact I'm cheating because I already did clean up around the apartment. But I just like getting it all down anyway.

Here's a list thats subject to change.

This Summer..

1. Get a job. Seriously.

2. Go to the MFA when it's free on Wednesday and draw

3. Run, run, run. Hartford Half in October

4. Take pictures everyday. Draw everyday.

5. Read more.

6. Don't forget that sometime July you have an online summer class

7. Kick ass at internship

8. Go to Yankees v. Red Sox

That list could continue for the entire summer so I might as well just chop it off there. Eventually it'll be a list of things I did do this summer which is always fun. When we were younger, Emily and I would make predictions. Obviously it was mostly about boys and always super hopeful. However we quit that game when we realized our "predictions" were coming true in all the worst versions of themselves. 

Things have been good this week. Feeling positive about one job (fingers crossed that I didn't just jinx it) and tomorrow we're attending a Kentucky Derby themed party for Sara's work! Last night we were all casually sitting around on our computers in our big hats. I guess we're all a little excited.

Internship has started, hence the picture right below this. 

No I do not work at a pet store, I did however write about them. My first review for MySecretBoston is about Audrey's Pet Store. It still needs to be edited and such but eventually it will be on the website! 

Last night Sar and I went to the bar for trivia while Liz had her soccer game. We desperately wanted to go to the game and heckle everyone and cheer embarrassingly for Liz, but sadly did not have the means of transportation. Much to Liz's delight and our dismay. 

Anyway, we're at the bar and supposedly there is a certain crowd that is usually at said bar for trivia. I was promised attractive businessy bros that a couple years ago were probably at the college bar and now have jobs. But once a bro always a bro.

So they're like better dressed versions of the selves they were in college. With jobs.

ALAS they were no where to be found. The bar was actually pretty empty, which can be attributed to the fact that it was a beautiful sunshiney day so maybe people were outside? (or maybe these business "men" do not exist and Sar and Liz have been joking?)

Out we went! Into the wild. Just a casual hunt for a liquor store, and then Sar and I sat along the Charles and like the classiest of ladies drank wine from the bottle. While listening to a little Arcade Fire and having great conversation.

(And avoiding the heron that looked like it was hungry and was not against drinking it's calories and stealing our wine.)

FUN FACT I've learned about myself in the past week, which sadly will never make it onto a resume BUT IS A PRETTY COOL TRICK....

I can now open a bottle of wine with a pair of scissors, apartment keys or a butter knife.

Related: I love wine.

Relatedx2: Invest in a real wine opener.

I don't want to brag...oh wait yes I do that is a great trick! Excuse me, a great SKILL.

On Wednesday's the Museum of Fine Arts is open after 4 for free. 

(Well technically they ask if you want to donate any money but my goodness I'm poor leave me alone!)

I will definitely be going again and bringing my sketchbook. I liked it in there. Some kinda weird stuff in the contemporary art section that annoyed me, but that's always the case.  Like how the heck does someone get three white cubes sitting next to each other in a museum? PSCH.

Maybe when I grow up I will have a Museum-of-art-I-deem-worthy and only put in good sketching and things I really like. Naturally I will highlight all my greatest works. 

JOKES about that. But honestly some of the stuff, excuse me art, in the contemporary section were not what I would consider art. 

Their current exhibition was Alex Katz prints. Those I really liked. It was kinda Andy Warhol-esque in a way. There was also a boy sketching one of them and I wanted to stand behind him and breathe down his neck and watch him draw. (It didn't hurt he was kinda cute). I held back no worries.  

It was pretty cool. I only spent an hour in there because
I was off to meet Sara so I will definitely be going back.

And mostly I've just been wandering and running and applying for jobs. 

This weekend we will play on Friday and then head home Saturday for Kik's prom. WHICH IS JUST NUTS TO ME. She's so old! I'm so old! Oh man oh man oh man. 

Expect a super nostalgic post about how I'm old and miss things, and by things I mean getting super dressed up and taking pictures. Why don't we have dances in college?

Oh wait we do, it's the bar and it's terrifying. 

Finally all together so today the Connolly's did Mother's Day. Got a nice family photo out of it.

(Not so secret secret... I LOVE THESE PEOPLE)

Tonight

Officially moved to Boston! 

And by moved to, I mean staying with Liz and Sar for the summer. 

I mean you know it's pretty serious when keys are exchanged. 

It hasn't really hit me yet that HERE I AM. I think it's because I have no set schedule yet. So I still feel like this is a joke vacation and there is a final to study for or paper to write that I'm forgetting. Thing is, at home if I have free time, it usually means a run or a nap (okay let's be honest, a nap). Here though it's like when I was in Florence, there is SO MUCH to explore that napping would just be rude. The whole city would think I was just rude for sleeping when I could be aimlessly wandering.

Which is just what I did today. Applied for jobs that will pay me and then proceeded to go for a run and then walk around a bit. Tomorrow there will be loads more of that.

Friday night I got back to Southbury and proceeded to talk Mom and Sean's ears off. My day to day in Jersey left me talking to a dog for the majority and I was slightly starved for humans. (Kristina was great but had homework, friends of her own and a bed time). I hadn't seen my brother in actual months and my Mommabear in what FELT like months (one week) so I was happy to stay up talking. 

Saturday we were up and at 'em...I know that's a phrase but it's weird to type. Maybe its one of those things people just say? I won't write it again. ANYWAY Saturday we awoke from slumber and were off to Bahston. Moving me in conveniently coincided with Earthfest sponsored by WholeFoods and Radio 92.9. This meant that the free samples were healthy and the music was good! We had a lunch of free samples- pizza and Nantucket Nectar. We should have really stocked up on those dranks because MY GOODNESS it was hot. (For some of us, others were smart and sat in the shady spots). 

We had a spot right by the water and adjacent to the stage. Plopped ourselves down and enjoyed the atmosphere, patiently waiting for Third Eye Blinds appearance. 

I dozed off at one point and opened my eyes to find Liz gone. Where was she? Oh just off getting the best lemonade you ever did taste. We were all a little too sunned and it did just the trick!

Here's our man Stephan Jenkins, on stage in sweltering heat in a black hoodie.

 Only you Stephan, only you.

The four of us than went to Tasty Burger, which never fails to be the most delicious burger and fries. Once Sean and Kiks were on the road again, Liz and I got back, rested a bit and then Sara returned from Reach The Beach. After some deliberation and showers we decided that it was only fitting to go out for a bit. I'm glad we did, and I'm pretty sure so are the majority of people that got a kick out of our dance moves at the bar. Silliest/weirdest moves definitely go to the three of us on Saturday!

On Sunday it was glorious out so Liz and I walked to the park. Spent the day reading/napping/drawing in the park till it was time for Liz to go to yoga. 

We also so a tragic duckling/parent separation and than A REUNION! It was beautiful.

Sar and I got salads and they were delicious, so I took a picture (OF COURSE)

That's been Boston so far. There will be plenty more pictures and stories. Cheers

More to Come..